I’d like to share my experience of Canada. It’s been an emotional roller coaster ride and has been hard to share but it’s part of a small project I’m working on.
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Once again, I had no idea what I was going to do next. I had a sense of doubt, but still kept researching. Eventually I decided, if I can’t get work as an actress I could get qualified as film crew, working on sets behind the scenes and eventually building my way up to an actress. I stumbled upon a film school in Vancouver, Canada. Without thinking, I just applied. I told myself that if I was to get accepted then this is the road that I’m supposed to be taking.
About a month or two later, I got a call late in the evening. The film school had reviewed my application and I was accepted. I was ecstatic, it felt like everything was going to work out after that. I started planning out my life around this acceptance, I was going to study for another year of my life, then finally get some work experience under my name.
Everything was ready, my whole life packed away. Flying with four luggage bags but other baggage is no easy quest. Nonetheless, I stuck it threw, this was my dream of course. When I arrived in Vancouver, I was exhausted, a thirty-three-hour flight can do a number on you. My father had made arrangements that I stay with family friends in the area. In the beginning it was all welcoming and helpful, but after a few days I was distraught. I was shattered. It had been said to me that I wasn’t to ask for help, that people have their own problems (how am I even a part of these people’s problems), that she’s never met my father but apparently he always says that he will visit (not everybody’s as rich as you think, some people have to work hard to survive), and that 80% of South Africans don’t make it overseas, the other 20% do. She said that she doesn’t care how I go but she wants me out, that getting out will be my way of apologizing to her.
So, my first question is why did you offer to help me in the first place if you’ll just kick me out? Second of all, why blame me for all your marital and personal problems, you don’t even know me? Third, I was only ever friendly. I did my part, I cleaned up after myself, like I said, I’m the quietest person you’ll ever meet, but even quiet people are apparently too much for others. The words of “only 20% of South Africans make it overseas” sunk into my subconscious mind. She was basically telling me that I was going to fail. I immediately found new accommodation and would be out by the end of the week.
I took the first apartment that I saw, I just wanted to get out of there. The day that I left, I was all packed and took my things. I don’t regret this a single day, but I never said goodbye to her. Why would I after everything she said to me? After emotionally breaking me down. I was grateful for the help that I thought I would get but it was time to get out of there and with me being emotionally broken down; I didn’t care. I just wanted out. I got a small little back yard apartment in Vancouver; the area seemed a bit dodgy to me but I’m not even sure what dodgy is in Canada.
With four bags in hand, I moved my stuff into the apartment. The apartment only had a washer, a refrigerator and a cupboard. So I set out on my first day in my apartment to buy some furniture, I rented a truck and got my furniture. People aren’t really helpful overseas, of course when you see someone struggling to pick up a bed you’d help them right? Or a couch? Oh, no. Not Canada. As I struggled on my own, I kept letting things fall, half of my cutlery was already broken by the time I got to the cashier. Everybody just stared at me, customers as well as staff. Is this what being abroad is like? But it’s nothing that’ll stop me, I’ll just prove to everyone that I can do this on my own. I am strong enough.
About a month into my studies in Canada, the International students were all brought together for a meeting. I figured it would answer all of our questions we had as potential workers in Canada. It sure did, just the sad truth though. Before I enrolled in film school, I heard that if you study in Canada you could get a work permit afterwards and I thought that I could finally apply for a job and be accepted. However, to my surprise, in the meeting they stated that the laws have changed and for five years and going private school International students aren’t given post-graduate work permits – only through public Universities. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me, yet another way to reject me has been found. The amounts of times I’ve been set back from my plans to fulfilling my dream have been endless. Around every corner there’s a closed door and it’s not going to open anytime soon.
So I decided to withdraw and come back to my home country as I felt that there’s no point in wasting a year’s worth of study money if I’m already qualified and I won’t even be able to get in in the end. Do I regret it? Sometimes. I was there, I could’ve made it through. Maybe tried a different way while I was there but I decided otherwise. All I know now is that I had to go through the experience in order for me to fall and stand up again. To grow, to become stronger.